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What I learned on a 19 hour road trip with small children…

What I learned on a 19 hour road trip with small children…

1 – Definitely check to be sure that the portable televisions work. Specifically, be sure that they are not going to get so hot from being on for a long time that they will essentially come close to bursting into flames and melting your DVD, leaving your children in tears and 15 hours to go.

2– Definitely when resorting to the built-in vehicle television, be sure to check that the sound options work in said vehicle so that you have the option to just turn on the audio in the rear where the children are seated. Otherwise you will have “Dora’s Easter Hunt” and “Star Wars” on FULL BLAST for 4 hours so that they can hear it all the way in the back.

3-The item below is a sanity-saver and can become an addiction. I find myself still looking in my hometown for Nevada and Hawaii. Sometimes good old standards like the license plate game can get you through!

4 – Learn how to mute the GPS lady. She will pretty much get you where you need to go, but she is an annoying bitch who does not shut the fuck up.

5 – Don’t travel with teething infant who is having explosive diarrhea every hour.

6 – Although it might seem the right option when faced with the breakfast choice of “Shoney’s,” “WAFFLE HOUSE” or “Huddle House”, the Cracker Barrel Old Country Store is not a good choice for me. I will forever remember the sensation of biting into a pancake filled with blueberries covered in raw pancake batter, while watching my husband eat some sort of meat and biscuit covered in white gravy. Apparently it’s a nice place to rock in a rocking chair or play checkers or eat items smothered in Alfredo sauce, but not for me.

7– Utilize family or friends that have room in their car that are making same road trip for some miscellaneous bags, strollers, etc. Be prepared when your parents inform you that on the way back they won’t be able to bring back anything for you because they “need all the extra room in their trunk to fill it up with cartons of cigarettes,” from discount outlet.

8 – Be mentally prepared when coming home (even if it’s almost MAY) that you will need to immediately TURN ON THE HEAT in your house and sink into an immediate depression.

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6 responses »

  1. Thanks for the laughs and your tips- here are a couple of mine:

    Always pick Waffle House- they don’t care how your kids act once released from their restraints (the staff or customers!)

    A $20 investment in wireless headphones is a must in every vehicle with built-in tv. If I have to hear the best of Spongebob again I will drive my vehicle off the nearest cliff.

    Finally- never underestimate a local playground far off the highway. You’ll meet good people, your kids will play and burn energy, and you’ll get to lay on a bench to keep your back from snapping in four places and have time to plan your next leg of the journey.

    Reply
  2. We drove from San Antonio Texas To Woodstock Georgia with a nursing infant. Truth be told, I unbuckled him and nursed him late at night. We could only handle so many hours (just one) of crying and my nipples where getting pretty pist off that I was pumping so much.

    Reply
  3. Pingback: What I learned…. « Lady Goo Goo Gaga

  4. Pingback: Swingtown USA | Lady Goo Goo Gaga

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